Blagues sur le bégaiement

Voici des blagues sur le bégaiement.  Comme tu le sais maintenant, le bégaiement est quelque chose que tu créés toi-même, tu dois être capable d'en rire éventuellement car il ne fait pas partie de toi, il est quelque chose que tu fais.  Moins tu prendras le bégaiement au sérieux et moins tu en auras peur et plus tu riras de ces blagues.  Si tu ris à chaude larme, tu es sur la voie de la guérison.  

Si tu connais des blagues sur le bégaiement, envoie-les moi!

Acheter des cigarettes

Il était une fois un homme qui bégayait, cet homme dit à son ami : 
- Bon... bon... bonjour... 

Son ami lui dit : 
- Tu bégaies encore toi ? et il lui dit : bon on va faire quelque chose si vendredi tu vas au bureau de tabac et que tu arrives à dire :"bonjour madame je voudrai un paquet de gitanes s.v.p. " , je te donne ma paye ! 

Alors ce monsieur qui bégayait, commence à s'entraîner sérieusement jour et nuit pour gagner son pari, vient ce fameux vendredi, il rentre dans le bureau de tabac et il demande avec beaucoup d'application et de concentration: 

- Bonjour madame je voudrais un paquet de gitanes s.v.p. ! 

La femme lui répond alors : 

- Filtre ou sans filtre ? 

Et l'homme lui dit : 

- Sa... sa... sa... sa... salope...

 

Chien et chat

Toto suit son cours de Biologie à l'école. Le professeur est en train d'expliquer une des curiosités de la nature, à savoir que seuls les humains bégaient. Aucun autre animal ne possède de tel trouble de l'élocution.
Mais Toto n'est pas d'accord:
- "Monsieur, Monsieur, c'est pas vrai. Moi je connais au moins un animal qui bégaie!"
- "Ah oui?" fait le prof étonné. "Et quel est cet animal?"
- "Ben, en fait, c'était mon chat : l'autre jour, je jouais avec lui sous la véranda et le Rottweiler du voisin s'est rapproché, alors mon chat a commencé à faire "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", et avant qu'il puisse dire "FOUS LE CAMPS!", eh bien, le chien l'avait mangé!"

 

Three men with a stutter

There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman who had been friends from childhood. The reason: They all had a terrible stutter and always felt a lot more at ease in each other's company because of the same affliction. They were all out for a drink one night: Murphy the Irishman, Hamish the Scot, and Tom the Englishman.

Entering the pub, Murphy said to the two other lads,"iiiiiiiitt's mmmmmmyyy rrrrrroooouund."
"Ooooooookkkkkkk," said the two others.
Murphy said to the barman. "pppppppiiinttt ooofff gggggginis,ddddddddddouble wwwwwwisky fffffffor hhhhhamish and a ppppint of bbbbitter."
"Coming right up sir," the barman and the barma puts the three drinks on the counter, Murphy pays for them and the barman says, "cheers!" 
Murphy replies, "Chchchcheers!"

The three lads sit down at a table. A real good looking blonde woman was at the bar the same time Murphy was ordering the drinks. She called Jim the barman over and said, "Hey Jim, do all three of those guy's stutter?

"Yeah they have been coming in here for years. They have all tried everything to stop their stuttering: Acupuncture, Hypnotherapy, Pills, Potions, Faith healers, Speech therapy...You name it they have tried it."

"Ar poor blokes, I feel really sorry for them." The girl ordered a martini and sat down at the table with the three stuttering blokes. Intrigued by their stuttering, she felt impelled to listen to their conversation.

"A mmmurphy," said Jim, "ddo you knnow what? Wwwe bbbeen friends all ooour lives and not one of uuuus has hhhad a gggirlfriend or bbben aaasked out. DDDo yoou ttthink ists cccus we sssttutter?"

The young girl without thinking, leaned over the table and said to the blokes, "Yes, I think it's because of your stuttering." The three men could not take their eyes of this stunning girl with her plunging neckline!

Then she said, "I am going to give you a chance for one of you to take me out and have your wicked way with me, on one condition: You must pass my anti-stuttering test. You must say a simple sentence without stuttering. The one who says it without stuttering can take me out tomorrow night. The sentence must incorporate your name and where you live."

Tom says, "I'll ggo ffirst," thinking this is the chance of a lifetime. He really tries not to stutter. He then says, "My name's Tom and I come from Mmmmmmanchester"
"Oh, nearly," she said, "but not quite you stuttering babboon. Your go Hamish."
Hamish, his two hands clenched so tight he is almost breaking his knuckles says, "My name's Hamish and I llllllive in Glasgow."
"Oh, no you will never do."
"Ok, Mmmmmurphy yoooour go," said the two other lads."
Murphy, with both fingers and all toes crossed says, "My name's Murphy and I come from London....."

With this, the blonde woman cannot believe her ears. Being short for time, she plunged into Murphy's hand some paper and said to him, "Ring me on this number tomorrow night." And she scurried out of the pub very briskly. The two lads cannot believe what happened. They asked, "How diiiiiid you do thatttttt Mmmmmurphy?"

He turned to them with his head still tilted back as if he was still in mid-stutter and said, "ddddddddderry."--